When I need her help

This past weekend, Angela's mom and I visited Benedictine College, where my oldest daughter Lucia is now studying. Of course, I wished Angela were there with me.

But then things took a turn -- on Saturday night, Lucia's boyfriend of four years, who is also a student there, and is a major part of the reason she transferred there, told her he thought their relationship wasn't going to work out. On top of Angela's death, this was a hard blow for Lucia. And I wished so much that Angela were there with us at that time. I felt Lucia really needed her mom more than anyone else then. Gloria and I offered her the comfort and advice we could. But Angela could have spoken to her from experience of a breakup with a college boyfriend, of the pain that caused, but that it was possible after that to establish a new and permanent union with someone else -- a union that produced the most wonderful gifts life can bring in Lucia and her sisters.

I find this role of being both mother and father to my daughters very hard to work out. I can't replace Angela in their lives, and there are times, like this weekend, when her absence is very painfully felt. Yet I feel that even in her physical absence she is present. I pray that she will be able to offer Lucia some guidance and comfort and help in this time.

I can't say this too many times: I miss you Angela, and I love you still. I so need your help and support and I believe that you can still give that to me, in some way.