Life is getting so busy it is hard to find time to sit back and think -- my counselor wants me to balance action and contemplation but there seems little space for contemplation some times. It is that time of the year in the academic world -- just before our term begins, with lots of preparation and work with graduate students wanting to go on the job market... and at the same time it is already family weekend coming up at Lucia and Teresa's colleges, and open house at Rosie's high school... and there is only one of me who is going to cover all of these.
Gloria and I sang in the choir at a wedding on Saturday that was very beautiful. And although it inevitably made me think of the day I married Angela, I was able to make it through the ceremony with my voice slightly cracking only once. It probably helped that we were up in the choir loft and did not go to the reception.
Yesterday I attended, and helped lead a discussion at, a workshop on teaching for graduate students. I will do the same today. But yesterday just before my discussion group met I ran into a colleague from another department who asked me how my summer went, and after about 30 seconds I realized he did not know about Angela's death. Her passing was not all that well publicized outside of her program and my division, and so this sort of encounter is bound to repeat itself a number of times this year. It threw me off in my discussion leading role, and I kept finding myself wanting to use examples from her teaching like "my wife does this in her classes..." -- and then modifying what I was saying so as not to bring her into it explicitly. I don't know how I seemed to the graduate students but I think myself I would normally have been a bit brighter and cheerier with them than I was capable of yesterday. We'll see how today goes.
This weekend is the Loyola family weekend and my parents are coming for a visit so they can join Gloria and me to go up and see Teresa. I am looking forward to that, though once again it will be strange not to have Angela with us. Last week I had several dreams in which she was with me in one way or another, and I have sensed her presence as loving, accepting, and supporting me. I know how happy and proud she would be of Teresa and Lucia now -- the following weekend Gloria and I are going to Kansas for the Benedictine family weekend. Angela would have been very happy to attend both of these events. But I know she will be with us.
I spoke at a panel at the teaching conference as well, and there was larger turnout than I had ever seen. It is extremely caring of you to help the teaching conference out, and, having talked with you about teaching my own course, I know first-hand how lucky the grad students are to benefit from your advice and point of view.
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